Description of a spare part!

Yesterday I was having some work done at the workshop. A woman came in and asked for a 'seven-hundred- ten'.

We all looked at each other, and the mechanic asked, "What is a seven-hundred- ten?"

She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there."

The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710 !!

He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?"

She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there."

Now go to the photo below to learn what a 710 is..........
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How do these people survive?

ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable but sadly true....)

TWO
I was checking out at the local Woolworths with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine.. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy'
(keep shuddering! ! )

FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself!!!


FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier' , the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.
Brunette, by the way!!

SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer... ... '
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'


Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!!

Tongkat Golf

Suatu sore telepon berbunyi."Hallo, Pak Juri? Ini saya,Dodo, pembantu di villa Bapak..."
"Oh iya. Ada apa, Do? Ada masalah?"
"Anu..saya nelepon cuma mau ngasih tau, burung kakaktua bapak mati.."
"Kakaktua saya? Mati? Yang pernah menang di Lomba Tingkat Dunia itu??"
"Ya tuan... yang itu"
"Waduh sial juga ya... lumayan banyak juga tuh duit keluar buat ngelatih tu burung... matinya kenapa, Do?"
"Gara-gara makan daging busuk, tuan"
"Daging busuk?? Siapa yang ngasih dia daging busuk??!!"
"Ngga ada tuan..dia cuma makan daging kuda yang udah mati."
"Kuda mati? Kuda mati apa??"
"Kuda punya tuan."
"Kuda yang menang pacuan internasional itu?!!!"
"Iya tuan, dia mati kecapen setelah narik gerobak tong air."
"Lu gila ya? gerobak air apaan???"
"Gerobak air buat madamin api, tuan..."
"Ya ampuun... api apa lagi???"
"Api di rumah tuan! Ada lilin yang jatuh dan apinya kena tirai... trus merembet deh."
"Ja..jadi..maksud lu villa mewah gua itu ancur berantakan gara-garalilin? !!!"
"Begitulah, tuan."
"Tapi kan disitu banyak lampu!!! Tu lilin buat apaan???"
"Buat pemakaman, tuan."
"Demi Tuhan, pemakaman apa doooo??!!"
"Pemakaman istri Tuan... Suatu malam dia berjalan-jalan di dalam rumah yanggelap gulita, saya pikir maling, jadi saya hajar aja dia pake tongkat golf Nike tuan..."
Sunyi....,Sunyi cukup lama....
"Doooo!!!... lu bener-bener dalam bahaya besar, kalo tu tongkat golf ampe patah..."

The end.